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Literature Text
(I am so sorry)
The sun shone
So brightly
And beautifully warm
The sky was clear and the birds sung cheer
As the black hearse drove 'round town
I saw
The place we swam
The place we ran
And the tree where we first kissed
And I remembered
The way that you said
"Darling come closer, come closer "
And I was never close enough
So sorry, so very very sorry
But
I was never close enough
And I know your casket's made of yew
(you always preferred dark cherry)
And I know your carnations are white
(for remembrance, for innocence)
But I still remember the way
We laughed while we danced in the shower
With the steam a veil between us
And no sorrow within our eyes
(and still never close enough, so sorry
So very very sorry)
And the dirt is so cold
The sun is so warm
The sea of black shifts and churns
And my world has stopped upon your final words
And
Now, I am even more homeless
And I wish for nothing more then to be so much closer
so much closer, so so much closer
(I'm sorry, I am so so sorry)
The sun shone
So brightly
And beautifully warm
The sky was clear and the birds sung cheer
As the black hearse drove 'round town
I saw
The place we swam
The place we ran
And the tree where we first kissed
And I remembered
The way that you said
"Darling come closer, come closer "
And I was never close enough
So sorry, so very very sorry
But
I was never close enough
And I know your casket's made of yew
(you always preferred dark cherry)
And I know your carnations are white
(for remembrance, for innocence)
But I still remember the way
We laughed while we danced in the shower
With the steam a veil between us
And no sorrow within our eyes
(and still never close enough, so sorry
So very very sorry)
And the dirt is so cold
The sun is so warm
The sea of black shifts and churns
And my world has stopped upon your final words
And
Now, I am even more homeless
And I wish for nothing more then to be so much closer
so much closer, so so much closer
(I'm sorry, I am so so sorry)
Literature
Fugue
I found her in a tree, once.
She was sittin' stuck in the uppermost branches, serene and unsurprised as an angel on Christmas morning. Dappled light inked her pretty with the shadows of leaves, and her fingers faintly tapped the rhythm of a bright hymn on the burdened limb.
"Hello!" she called, miraculously. The sun made a silhouette of her waving arm, and I breathed for the first time in hours. Her face looked so sweet, smilin' and brilliant. Though she was only a few dozen feet up, she looked down at me as though she was ages and miles away.
"Susan, get down from there," I yelled. "Momma's worried," I added in a mutter, my gaze scurr
Literature
Appassionata
Claire does not find him at his funeral.
Dean's body lies in an open casket, face-up with soft wrinkles and loose muscles. There is nothing of her husband in this corpse. He was rough and jagged. It seems wrong to see his edges smoothed down.
She hovers over his body and feigns sorrow. She hears family and friends weep and whisper comfort into each others' ears behind her. They offer their words and shoulders to her and she nods politely and pretends to cry.
All the while, she traces the ring on her finger and does not flinch when the diamond cuts into skin.
Claire looks for her husband. It is exhausting, but she has time.
In the rooms o
Literature
Older
Time is a lonely bastard child. I know
how it feels.
I explore the spaces inside, moist hollows
where the angels once worked
their mischief. Strange
what you can grow accustomed to. I probe
the old scar tissue: smooth, numb
in places. I imagine I can feel
their shades, tactile afterimages: a zombie
reflex, a longing
for a longing. It pulls
at the center of my chest.
I miss the certainty of need.
I examine new possibilities, take
steps, show interest, craft a proposition,
cut a book deal. I have always been honest,
good
for others, even at my worst. I read. I write.
I observe, offer advice. Business is easy
to come by.
I have my way with w
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From the 
's chat room, a quick poetry challenge with the prompt "even more homeless" given by 
posted with minimal edits
Questions:
-is the repetition effective?
-The prompt was 'even more homeless' does this accurately fill that?
-I chose to repeat both the apologies and the desire to be closer, should it be one or the other? Or does it work well with both?
-The pacing is a bit choppy in some places, but does that work for the subject matter or should I smooth it out?
-should I add more memories or take away some memories?
-What was your favorite/least favorite line/part?
's chat room, a quick poetry challenge with the prompt "even more homeless" given by posted with minimal edits
Questions:
-is the repetition effective?
-The prompt was 'even more homeless' does this accurately fill that?
-I chose to repeat both the apologies and the desire to be closer, should it be one or the other? Or does it work well with both?
-The pacing is a bit choppy in some places, but does that work for the subject matter or should I smooth it out?
-should I add more memories or take away some memories?
-What was your favorite/least favorite line/part?
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Comments11
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this is a very beautiful piece that evokes emotion! I didnt find it too choppy at all, and the memories create such a nice touch that evoke much emotion. I love the fact that you've repeated the apology and the desire to be closer, it makes it sound more real.
My favourite line was "And I know your casket's made of yew (You always preferred dark cherry)" mostly because, for me, i hadnt realise just yet that the character you were talking about had died, and it carries such a heavy burden of longing yet tells you how close they had been and how well they knew each other.
This is a brilliant, beautiful piece
My favourite line was "And I know your casket's made of yew (You always preferred dark cherry)" mostly because, for me, i hadnt realise just yet that the character you were talking about had died, and it carries such a heavy burden of longing yet tells you how close they had been and how well they knew each other.
This is a brilliant, beautiful piece